As they await the bridal bouquet, a note to the ladies: We want a good clean fight

Yaani, don’t even bother calling us, hatupatikani. We are very busy right now, things are thick in Tanzanian politics.

Our ruling party is in the throes of candidate selection and initial marketing for the upcoming General Election. By the time you read this, the deed will be done, the heir-apparent will be known, the emergency rooms will be full of broken-hearted and broken-walleted people.

That’s the hope anyway; as of the writing of this article the proceedings were ever-so-slightly behind schedule in Dodoma.

The convention so far has been to keep our incumbents for both of the permitted presidential terms... and not one sweet mother-loving second longer, nope nope nope.

In exchange, they get to enjoy an age-appropriate, perhaps even enjoyable retirement filled with elderly statesman activities like fund-raising, party advisory services, lectures and gentleman farming alleviated by extraordinary meetings to negotiate African peace.

It works for us. Somewhere around the seventh or eight year of their reign — earlier for the cranky ones — Tanzanian presidents become gratifyingly exhausted and dyspeptic. Their late-term eagerness to leave our lovely little Ikulu-by-the-sea is the reason we can treat them like adopted grandparents.

It is frankly ill-advised to praise a sitting president, they become unmanageable and life is hard enough as it is. But former presidents have generally earned the opportunity to experience some tender patience. It’s the polite thing to do after we have wrung the verve out of them.

Jay Kay gave his last address to parliament this past week before this crop of MPs scatter back to wherever they can find to hide from the needling queries of their constituents.

He was cheerful, and as stated above, it is endearing when the sitting Mzee is so obviously ready to fling that mantle of leadership in the direction of the hopefuls gathered tightly around him like spinsters awaiting the bridal bouquet. Just a note to the ladies: We want to see a good clean fight.

The president’s address marked the beginning of the Fourth Administration’s long, long goodbye. It was a relaxed, chuckle-filled affair as it always is when he addresses We The Peeps in the comfort of our own public spaces.

Standard noises were made about what the incumbent and his team delivering on whatever-per cent of their campaign promises. A bit of fun was had at the expense of our hapless Taifa Wanna-Be-Stars by their faithful supporter, presidential hopefuls were admonished not to sulk when they don’t make the cut.

Gratitude was dispersed, the First Maiwaifu was mike-checked for doing that behind-every-successful-man thing that ladies do, prime ministers former and current were diplomatically assured that “Good job! Sorry about the horrid stress you endured.”

Naturally, there are several statements that the discerning public is raising for further discussion. What he had to say about Tanzania’s media freedoms, purportedly expanded and supported by Government of Tanzania’s Version 4.2, was politricky.

The person of Jakaya Kikwete has been a technophile, a friend and beneficiary of our vigorous media scene — at least as far as we know from the projection of his public self in everyday life. Yet at no time has it been more hazardous to be a journalist in this country, and he should have taken the opportunity to speak on this deeply.

The press and entertainment industries have come up strongly, yes, but it has been largely through their own efforts as well as the inevitable effects of the technological revolution we are all caught up in.

The bad attitude of Jay Kay’s administration, as evidenced among other things by the hostile legislation it has tried to squeeze through to “regulate” freedom of information, expression, online life and statistics is a glaring contradiction.

The continued ban on this newspaper makes it feel like one’s underwear is too tight when trying to uphold Tanzania’s image as the sacred fount of neo-pan-African superfly mojo while travelling through the EAC.

This is a legacy problem not just for Jay Kay personally but for Brand Tanzania: International Edition which is already struggling with “migrated”-slash-poached elephants and corruption and whatnot.

We need to keep that social capital high for the purposes of sending CCM-flavoured retirees to Orate in Kiswahili At Gatherings In The West, Deliver The Chill Pill of Peace wherever Africa catches a political fever.

Most importantly: The evolution will be televised, and uploaded too and it is time to embrace it.

Elsie Eyakuze is an independent consultant and blogger for The Mikocheni Report, http://mikochenireport.blogspot.com. E-mail: [email protected]